blondie

Hi, Leesa........

Just When I Thought I Read Everything That Is "powerful" Something Like This Hits Me Hard, Very Hard. So Hard That I Only Could Read About One Third Of It Before I Quit And Printed It Out For "later". How Much Easier It Is To Block Out All That Is Painful In Life!! I Became Such An Expert At Hiding The Pain, Like It Never Happened!! I Didn't Have To Face Anything I Didn't Want OR Have To. I Was With My Best Friend, Food. With Each Pound I Gained, The Protective Armor Shielded Me From Everything That I Couldn't Deal With. And Let Me Tell You, There Was And Still Is A Lot Of Issues That I Can't Deal With. Food Comforted Me When I Was Sad. Guess Who Was There When I Was Happy And Needed Someone To Celebrate With? Yep....my Best Friend, Food. Pain Also Needed Someone To Share Its Experience With. My Best Friend, Food Was Always,always There. I'm Still In Counseling. I Have This Nice Little Pattern Going. When The Pain Becomes Too Much To Handle, I Stop Seeing My Counselor. Some Times I Don't Go Back For Years. Other Times, It's A Few Weeks Or Months. After Reading The Few Paragraphs That I Did, I Really Think If I Can Work Through It, I Can Finally Get Rid Of The Ghosts Of My Past, Present And Deal Differently With The Future. I Have Paid Dearly With My Health, Physically And Mentally For Trying To Keep The Skeletons Locked Away, Just Like I Was Locked Away In The Cellar's "dark Room" As A Young Child For My Punishment.( That Really Taught Me A Lesson) I Suffer Depression,(an Inherited Trait Mostly, But Also Situational At Times), Panic And Anxiety Attacks, Irritated Bowel Syndrome, Just To Mention The Most Severe Of My Problems. I Surround Myself With My Loving Children, Grandchildren, A Few Good Friends, And My Loving Man.

Well, I Didn't Expect To Go On About Something So Personal. I Almost Erased This But I'm Think I'm Going To Post This. Maybe I Really Will Be On The Path Of Recovery If I Can Face The Worse Of Issues And Work On The "bridge Of Forgiveness", One Step At A Time.

I Know I Will Walk It All The Way To The End Because I Really Do:
"trust In The Lord With All Your Hear, And Lean Not On Your Own Understanding; In All Your Ways Acknowledge Him And He Shall Direct Your Paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Peace And Love,

Blondie