MamasAsh

Hi guys, my name is Ashley, and I'm pretty confident I had the gastric bypass when I was too young. My surgeon was a young woman as well, about 30, and she retired about three months prior to doing my surgery. My dietician (who did not see me much, because she disagreed with my surgery, yet never expressed her reasoning behind it, merely said she preferred not seeing me) was fired directly before my surgery.

I didn't know anything about psychological changes. Transfer addiction. A young woman's dealings with a quarter life crisis and how that, in and of itself is hard enough, and toss in a brand new body and way of life, and the issues may seem to multiply. None of this dawned on me, I just wanted to live a normal life so desperately. I just wanted to be healthy.

The psychiatrist I saw who approved my surgery was one of my professors (I was a Psychology Major at the time, a few months from graduation, and he was very excited for me. He readily approved me). I had the surgery, all went well except for my needing more than the usual amount of pain medication (I am 6' tall and was nearly 400 pounds) and was put in ICU to be monitored. All went according to plan, I was up and about the day of my surgery, and recovered well. I graduated a few months later, and started to live my life as a post-op Gastric Bypass Patient.

I was shocked and disheartened when my doctor retired. I was dropping weight quickly, and feeling all sorts of frightened feelings and changing emotions. I had just graduated and was in the real world looking for a job, my body was changing, and I was even losing a couple of friends! What was happening? My relationship with my boyfriend seemed to be suffering, but I wasn't acting any differently? Even my best friend agreed that she didn't understand what was going on, why everything was changing so quickly. I spent a lot of my time taking care of my Memaw, who suffered from Dementia, and lived in a nursing home down the street. I knew that if I pushed the focus off of myself, I would feel better and stop thinking so much of my own sadness.

Well, fast forward a year and some months. I am now a size 10. The bypass did its job, with help from Weight Watchers Online. But I have suffered a transfer addiction to Lortab. I was in a bad car accident last year that caused two of my discs to slip in my back, and that started me on the pills. I had found something that made me happy....kept me going, smiling, and filled a real void in my life during a time when I felt more alone than I ever could have dreamed. My Memaw was murdered, my mother was sick, my fiancee decided he wasn't ready for marriage...well, I don't want to go into a lot of personal problems because they just come out sounding like excuses. I guess its good to type them out and get them off of my chest. Lortab was a quiet way to calm the scream inside of me. No one had to know about it, and I could keep shoving the emotions to the pit of my stomach, and keep on doing what I had to do to function successfully.

I have since kicked the addiction to Lortab. I still backslide with Darvocet sometimes, and it definitely concerns me, but am seeking help with a therapist. I want to talk these issues out, not shove them down into myself. I don't want to ever feel alone again. I always had family around, but it was always me holding everyone up. And the Lortab kept making it so possible. I'm now living alone for the first time in my own house, with my own job, and my own quiet independence. No one knows about the things I dealt with after the bypass, except for my former fiancee, who I have just told in the past few days (after everything has been called off).

I appreciate you guys taking the time to read this. It felt good to write it. I have been so afraid of judgment that I have kept everything inside. I'm not afraid anymore, because the self-loathing I have imposed on myself is 100 times worse than what anyone else can give to me. I would love to find someone else in a similar situation to talk to.

P.S I do not regret the gastric bypass. It has saved my life. I regret the lack of information I received. I regret that I was a little young (am 24 now). I wish I had known the things I know now, although I am significantly happier!

Mandy

I'm sorry for the things you went through, but I feel fairly confident that you would have regretted waiting much longer than you did. I'm 33 and I had my surgery this year. I wish I had done it at least 8 years ago.

your doctors should have informed you of all the issues that go along with such surgery but you are your own advocate as well. you know now what issues you have and you need to find doctors to help you through them...friends, etc.

I wish you continued success in your battles and big hugs.

__________________
I'm 5'5"

Highest (12/07): 351

Surgery (7/22/08 LAP RNY): 328

Current : 228

Goal : 160 or less. I can dream right??

I've lost 121 lbs!!! 70 to go!

lealphachienne

Even when you have all the information available.....it still doesn't fully prepare you for your own reality. Age may have granted some wisdom, and this surgery is foreign to us. We are such unique and complex individuals.....

I was quite prepared...my ex had the WLS 2 years before me, I'm a nurse who researched years with him, and then myself, I was in therapy for many years pre-op and post-op.....it's still a hit when it all happened....all the changes, physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, mental, etc.....

I have no regrets.....I have a great life after surviving the initial shock. I am sad that I had to make choices that caused me take different paths. Life now is no where near what I had ever thought it would be like. Then again, with the passing of time, we all experience a new perspective.

Keep on chugging along...you're not alone in your feelings or how you express yourself.

__________________
Marie
5'3"
TT Gym Rat #25
A single bracelet does not jingle
www.nochilddiesalone.org
www.myspace.com/NoChildDiesAlone
I'm on Facebook

Phoenixfire

Hi Ashley, welcome to the forum. I know it can be a HUGE help and I hope you find the support you need here. All you have to do is ask I hope you know that you're not alone in dealing with transfer addiction. It's very common, and it boils down to what you said that I've put in bold above. Losing food as an option to feel good (that's what it was before right?) left you with a void. I'm sorry you've had to face this, but in all honesty it is progress. Really. Because you've recognized some basic realities about what food was for you. That's the brain surgery we do post-op. You wouldn't have learned this much about yourself if you haven't had surgery! I say this because it's true and because I hope you see that as a positive thing. Because it is. WLS at a young age has given you the ability to face something that many people don't face until they're older. I say kudos to you for that, and I hope you see that as a positive instead of beating yourself up (like you said below).

EXCELLENT, and it's just what I would advise you to do if you weren't doing it already. See, you've got a maturity and wisdom that many people don't yet have and some never get. Can you think of WLS as a tool for maturity and self-realization, instead of a mistake? I hope so...in time if not now.

Congratulations on fighting the good fight to beat the addiction. If you want to PM me I can tell you that you're not alone in this struggle.

I'd be happy to talk to you about my similar situation. You sound like me when you say the self-flagellation is enough and you don't need anyone else to judge you.

Bottom line is the positive here. Yes, you were short-shrifted in the instruction and help. You've gotten stronger, albeit with struggle, because you had to do this solo. You've got my admiration for that and absolutely no judgment. You're not alone in struggling with this issue post-op, and for what it's worth most all of us had to struggle with it, with or without the support you didn't get.

Keep seeing the therapist and hopefully you can find some additional support here. No one can understand the struggle unless they've had WLS. We understand.

__________________


Open Roux-en-Y on October, 2002 - 7 year anniversary is right around the corner
Height: 5'8"
Highest weight: 300 lbs. with a BMI of 45.6
Current weight: 140-145 lbs. and a size 6/8 with a BMI of 21.7
Total weight lost after Roux-en-Y gastric bypass: 160 lbs. POUNDS!

LyndasRoom

Hi Ashley,
Thank you for sharing your story. You will find many kindred spirits here. It's too bad you did not know about the problems before hand, but life's like that, things come at you, ready or not. You've been through a lot at your young age. I think you'll find people here who won't judge you--unless you eat a slice of pizza at 2 days out and come here to 'brag' about it. Here at TT, you've found a family with many who share your struggle. Best of luck to you...and WELCOME!

__________________
Lynda
July 11,2006
Dr. Callery
309/197/150
Century 6/1/2007
Onederland 8/26/2007

Vim&Vigour

Welcome Ashley!
You say 24 but your maturity reads more like 42! You sound a brave soul and handling dementia is tough enough for the best of us, let alone your own wls and private life!
I read a bit of anger in an undercurrent of your tone. Great! You are reactive, therefore aware of creating change for yourself. As our lives are a work in progress, you may be frustrated in that it can take years to find an answer or at least a "niche" in your life direction. However, you seem to have outgrown your fiance and perhaps unknowingly have reached further and higher in a more apparent way than you may have assimilated yourself. Once you reconcile body and soul I think you'll be more at peace.
Best wishes for your steps ahead and welcome to Thinner Times - the right place!
Cheers,
Vim

__________________
The world is my oyster...
oysters are an acquired taste...

MamasAsh

Thank you You guys are so great. It feels so good to have people to talk to! Finally, somewhere to go and share stories with! People just don't get it when you say "I'm not a big eater" or "I'm nauseous" and after a while you just wish you had some friends to chat with that get it

jerseygrl684

i know you had issues and you regret it. i see my sis going through it right now and at one point i did as well. Think of it as a roadblock, and you just have to break through it onto the next challenge life throws at you.

My mom wished she had the surgery earlier in life, so she enjoyed her life... and if u look around here, so do others.

If you need to vent, we are here.. and trust me, iiiiiiiii understand where you are coming from

__________________


Age: 25/5ft 2 .Lap RNY- 11.26.07
248/227-highest & day of surgery
109(eek)-current



hit my doctor goal 6/30/08/100lbs lost *5.23.08/ONEDERLAND 1.5.08

Baja Big Dog

I had the advantage of having Kaiser Insurance, and they require you to complete a 6 month class prior to the surgery, I fought this class at first, but after a few weeks, I realized that the education we received was invaluable. They structured the classes to cover all the aspects of the surgery.
this was only a tool, and how each person handled it was up to them, one advantage was that after the classes, about 5 people decided that the surgery was not for them.

Talk to Phoenix, she can educate you on the pain issues, and the treatment of them, she has been through the ringer, and survived.....

Glad you dont have any regrets....