lds98m

After my staples were removed and over the next couple of days my wound started to pull apart and open up. I was going through boxes of gauze like 2-3 a day. God this is getting expensive I thought. I finally got the idea to use feminine pads instead which turned out to be a great idea expecially at the rate I was seeping blood and oozing. I had to use 2 maxis 2-3 times a day to keep up with the drainage and cover this huge wound. I remember thinking god this sucks! Why me? What did I do to deserve this?

I was beginning to think what the hell did I do? I have made a huge mistake by having this surgery. What can go wrong has gone wrong or will go wrong I thought. I started thinking I could actually die. It felt like I was on my way to dying. So this is it huh? Ive gone through all this and now Im just gonna die? I was angry at the world and everyone in it and I let them all know it! I can only imagine what I was putting my family through at that time.

I stiil couldnt eat the things Dr C said I could eat and if I did manage to actually eat something it would hurt so much or I would throw it up or both.

Little by little, day by day, bite of food by bite of food it got a little better. About around 3 months i was well enough to return to work, keep some food down and I was down to 1 maxi pad a day on my wound.

Right around November sometime when I returned to work I remember my husband starting to accuse me of cheating on him. I remember thinking what the hell is he talking about? Dosent he know I can barely funtion as a human being! How dare he accuse me of that! What is wrong with him? Is he out of his mind? I told him I have not cheated on him in 20 years and why the hell would I start now! For gods sake I had maxi pads taped to my belly!

January 4th the day after my birthday our relationship had gotten so bad I told him he needed to move out. I told him I would go to marriage counceling with him but that I couldnt handle him mistrusting me the way he was.

Things went from bad to worse after that. We attended marriage counceling but it wasent getting better- only getting worse. He closed joint accounts. Removed me from having access to other accounts. He hid money. Everything he was doing told me he thought our marriage was ending. I was in shock.

In May I decided to file for divorce. The day I told him I filed he went to the kids and asked each of them "mom has filed for divorce. Which one of us do you want to live with?" I was so pissed! How dare he do that to our children!

I wasent eating. I was throwing up. I was stressed out. I had 2 minor children to take care of. The kids and I came home one night and I tried to turn the lights on. They didnt turn on. I tried to call the electric company but the phone didnt work. We lived in the mountains in the middle of no where and it was pitch black with no light and no phone. I packed up the kids and drove to my husbands apt to let him know what was happening. He matter of factly told me he had them both turned off and if I wanted them back on I would have to have them turned on in my name. I was in shock! How could he do this to his children? Now I know he had lost his mind. I packed the kids back up drove home and we stayed in a dark house with candles all night huddled together in 1 bed until I could get thing turned on the next day.
(here comes the tears again!)
to be continued...............................