I too started with the notion that the band was the tool for me! I read and read and read.. stories about people.. both successes and failures (as I have done with the RNY).. then I ran across this chart.. this is the chart that really pushed me toward the RNY... the things that got me were the loss of excess weight, the "most effective for patients with a BMI of 35-55" ( I am 51.1).. and the fact that you have to fight with my insurance company to get the band.. (it has been done .. but they made a friend of mine's life hell for 14 months before they approved her!!. jumping through hoops .. I often wonder to this day if they were testing her determination!
In the end it is a very personal choice.. and nothing saying you both have to have the SAME surgery
Good Luck! And MUCH success with whichever one you choose!