Dara

Sandi:

Thank you so much for the post. I think his battle with food is familiar to all of us.

I sometimes wonder whether I am more afraid of regaining weight or maintaining weight. I am so familiar with failure--it's comfortable and the bad feelings that accompany it feed my need to self-abuse. After all, self esteem was nonexistent in my world for the past 45 or so years.

My decision improve my health with surgery came with the added bonus of a self esteem booster. I like to think that I am accepting my newfound self respect. However, if I am truly honest about my feelings, I must admit that I am still uncomfortable most of the time with all of the positive vibes.

I realize that recent post-ops and pre-ops look to us for inspiration and guidance. I'm always willing to share my journey, but it is sometimes scary to think I'm perceived as an inspiration. As much as the surgery and the journey to lose weight has been hard work, I now believe the effort to maintain will be the most difficult of all. I constantly struggle with the emotional ramifications of my new thin self. This phase is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I can only take it day by day, pray that I will continue to be strong, try to learn positive tools, and eliminate negative tendencies. God help me.

__________________

Dara
Open RNY 4/27/04 Dr. Callery
10-15 lbs. above goal weight and okay with it