ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass and Lap Band® Forum - View Single Post

sassystef · 07-10-2006, 08:30 AM

Hey y'all, (since recently moving down south, i feel i need to add this word to my daily lexicon)

I know that I have not written much on this forum and I will try to do so more, but I do read a lot and have had so many questions answered...so, thank you for that.

My 5 month anniversary from surgery is today and I think it is important for me to really stop and REALIZE how much my life has changed in the past 5 months. It is so easy to go on w/ life after surgery and not be able to process the emotional impact on a daily basis, after all, there are still things to do, income to be made, families to deal with, etc. So sitting down and REALLY REFLECTING on the WLS and it's emotional effects is not always a priority. However, I realize how important it is to do this b/c I don't ever want to be "that" person (pre-WLS) again-not only physically, but emotionally.

I did not want to go on, I had no energy nor zest for life. I was majorly depressed and ate my way deeper into it. I had no sexual appeal and couldn't imagine having sex with a man. Did not feel worthy. Couldn't imagine ever having kids-how would i run after them and play with them? Didn't want to go to anything in public b/c i didn't want to see people...Didn't want to see long-time friends and good friends, i might add, b/c of my weight. Essentially I stopped living. And I CHOSE to stop living because of my embarassment and my doing. (Which was not fair to my friends-and I did lose a couple b/c of my actions).

Today, I do have my life back. I am still working and always will be working on many aspects of that life emotionally (self-criticism, building self-esteem, understanding why i let myself be a slave to food), but I can say that I am much more aware of my actions now. And, I pay MUCH more attention to why I make the choices I do make. The surgery allows a ripple effect...you lose some weight....start to gain confidence....start exercising...weight still coming off.....get a makeover...buy some new clothes...confidence skyrockets....etc. and it allows us to experience a QUICK euphoria that I feel blessed to have experienced b/c I never would have been able to do it on my own that quickly.

The confidence not only effects your physical being, but also helps you work on the other aspects of your life. This is another gift, I believe. I've raised my standards in life and realize what I am worth now...and I have ALWAYS been worthy....the weight problem (and society) just told me i wasn't worthy enough.

Mentally speaking, I'm in a much better place. I picked up and moved 2 months ago to NC by myself since I was having no luck finding a job in NY. I am happy to be here, excited about meeting new people, not to mention that I have met a lot of guys already. I have a better outlook on life, want my life to revolve around the good things in life, not food. I find my passions and interests creeping out again and they want to be explored again.

I have not lost all the weight yet, but I am already comfortable with me again and that is all I needed. There are going to be circumstances ahead that might be difficult to tackle, but I feel better prepared now. I have the skills and tools to make this successful for the rest of my life and I am going to give it my best shot!

Thanks for listening and I hope that all of you are getting mentally and emotionally healthier as well along with this weight loss journey!

Best,
Stephanie