ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass and Lap Band® Forum - View Single Post

bridgetgirl · 06-15-2004, 02:10 PM

I have the same thing going on on with two of my girlfriends regarding their reaction to my surgery. I work with one, I will call her X. X says things to me that are extremely hurtful, always pointing out the negative that frankly me or anyone else has seen yet. Oh your losing hair, oh you have hanging skin, oh it's a good time for yo to start doing sit ups, etc., etc. nevermind she is at least 100 pounds overweight herself. Her reaction when she found out that I was going to have the surgery was, "Great. Now I will be the only fat person working here!" I chalk it up to ignorance. I'm better than that, they say birds of a feather flock together, but I never was any more comfortable knowing I worked with someone else who was heavy!! The other gal, we will call her Y has been a friend since junior high school. (I am 31 now.) Her problem is, although at least 200 pounds overweight, doesnt really feel that she has a problem. She has exscuses, but these are the same women who are scared just because they never go to the doctor because they are fat. Being fat when we go to the doctor's office if we have an ache, a pain, an infection, whatever, losing weight is what always seems to be the answer for everything... it's embarassing. It's a life long cycle of embarassment and thats why she wont go. She is afraid someyhing bad or embarassing is going to happen. If she has stated that she would be interested but just hasnt begun the process, take her to support group meetings. She may find comfort in knowing that there are folks out there, perhaps even larger than your friend, are interested in the surgery as well. Some people are like that. My friend has an exscuse on why she wont even go to a meeting. But one day she will or one day I'll be at her funeral. Either way I will be there for her. Harsh as that sounds, what more can I do? Secondly your friend with the maybe drug problem... this is the way I look at relationships with my friends... I cant be a cheerleader for anybody. Sure you can be supportive and encouraging when needed, but to have to try to keep someone on the up and up all the time is stressful. My cousin had a drug problem and we, the family, just had to severe ties with him. After paying for rehab, intervention, etc., we just had to let go and let god. Unfortunately he hasnt come around, off from drugs. If you feel like he is still into it, he is. We are all born with instinct. Remember as hard as it may be, because you love him dearly, it only takes 2 weeks to rid yourself of a habit. Girlfriend, you are going to have ALOT of stressors as a result of this surgery... losing your food friend, reaction from peers, etc. you have enough on your plate as it is. If it were me, I would invite the friend to a meeting if she refuses dont bring it up again. You dont need to discuss your successes or failures with her, thats what we are here for. Do you think anybody I know, my friends outside this group care that my BMI is 30 or that I weigh almost as much as I told the DMV 15 years ago?! But the people here DO CARE. THEY ARE HAPPY FOR YOU! As for the friend on drugs, I say confront him, tell him how you feel and then go from there. This was alot of advice, I hope it helps. Contact me if you need anything!